Why “Being Yourself” Might Not Be Enough: And How Lumina Spark Helps You Be Your Best Self

We constantly hear that authenticity is the highest virtue: be yourself, bring your whole self to work, let your true colours shine. On social media it’s rewarded; in leadership books it’s preached. Yet, as both Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic in his latest book Don’t Be Yourself: Why Authenticity Is Overrated (and What to Do Instead) and Transactional Analysis (TA) remind us, “being yourself” isn’t as straightforward as it sounds. Unless we’ve done deep self-work, much of what feels authentic may simply be old patterns playing out, rather than here-and-now ‘Adult’ choices (Berne, 1961; Stewart & Joines, 2012). Sometimes “just being you” stops being liberating and starts being limiting.

In our work as business psychologists, we see this tension all the time: the pull to be “real” versus the pull to perform, to adapt, to avoid harm or conflict. What if, instead of trying to always be our “authentic selves,” we aimed for our best selves: the version of us that balances our inner traits with situational demands, responsibility, and growth?

The Pitfalls of Authenticity

Chamorro-Premuzic lays out several risks when authenticity becomes absolute:

·       Authenticity can slide into self-obsession: when “being yourself” trumps listening, collaboration, or courtesy, ego takes priority and teamwork suffers.

·       Authenticity as an alibi for poor behaviour: “I’m just being honest” often precedes rudeness, neglect of others’ feelings, or unfiltered negativity.

·       Conflict with career progression: credibility, balance, and emotional intelligence matter. Too much unfiltered expression can damage reputation, derail relationships, or create friction.

·       Privilege and risk: depending on social position, culture, or background, saying what we really think, or showing all our traits, can be safe or dangerous.

Chamorro-Premuzic suggests that authenticity isn’t bad, but untempered authenticity, especially in professional settings, can be counterproductive. What if the goal were instead wisdom: knowing which parts of ourselves to bring forward, and when to dial others down or rein them in?

Self-Monitoring: A Useful Lens

This idea isn’t new. Psychologist Mark Snyder first introduced the concept of self-monitoring in the 1970s, showing that people vary in how much they adjust their behaviour to fit the situation (Snyder, 1974).

High self-monitors are like social chameleons: they read the room, flex behaviour, and adapt to context. They can be highly effective at influencing, but sometimes risk being seen as inconsistent or “inauthentic.”

·       Low self-monitors are more consistent across situations: what you see is what you get. This feels authentic, but can tip into rigidity, even when flexibility would serve better.

Neither end is inherently better, but both extremes create problems. Too low in self-monitoring, and authenticity becomes bluntness or lack of tact. Too high, and we risk disconnection from values or burnout from constant shape-shifting.

The challenge, then, is not whether we should be authentic, it’s how we balance authenticity with adaptability. In other words, how we become our best selves.

Being Our Best Selves: What That Means

“Best self” doesn’t mean “perfect self” or “fake self.” It means being aware of:

·       Our core traits, strengths, and values: our authentic dimensions.

·       The traits we tend to overuse under stress or pressure: our shadows or overextensions.

·       The way context (relationships, stakeholders, situations) shifts what will serve best.

Our best selves show up not only when we feel naturally confident, but also when we’re stretched: under pressure, when conflict arises, when stakes are high. This is the middle ground between high and low self-monitoring: a flexible style that remains anchored in who we are, but aware enough to adapt thoughtfully.

A Transactional Analysis (TA) Perspective

From a TA perspective, “just be yourself” is trickier than it sounds. TA suggests that our personality is made up of three modes, or ego states: Parent, Adult, and Child (Berne, 1961). Unless we’ve done some deep inner work, much of what we think of as our “authentic self” may actually be old patterns borrowed from our parents or early childhood.

For example, we might feel we’re being “real” when we say “I mustn’t fail” (a Parent message) or when we automatically please others (a Child response). What TA calls the Adult state—responding thoughtfully in the here and now—isn’t something we can access by default; it takes awareness and practice (Stewart & Joines, 2012).

So, authenticity isn’t about saying or doing whatever comes naturally, but about recognising those inherited scripts and choosing more consciously how to respond.

Lumina Spark: Bridging Authenticity and Self-Monitoring

This is where Lumina Spark fits beautifully.

Lumina Spark is a personality psychometric that helps people:

1.     Discover their traits on a spectrum. Lumina doesn’t just say “you are extroverted” or “you aren’t.” It shows how we stretch in different situations—where we dial up, where we dial down.

2.     Recognise overextensions. Under stress or pressure, everyone has shadow sides—behaviours that are helpful in small doses but harmful if overused. Lumina Spark makes those visible: the traits we “over-dial” when stretched, the parts of us that can trip us up.

3.     Practice flexibility. Once we know our tendencies, we can choose: in this meeting, we’ll bring forward assertiveness; in that one, we’ll dial it back and engage more listening. This is self-monitoring in action, but done consciously, anchored in authenticity.

4.     Optimise relationship dynamics. Knowing our own profile and others’ helps us understand how they interpret our behaviour. It’s not about faking, it’s about choosing expression that helps communication succeed.

Practical Tips for Dialling Up / Dialling Down

·       Reflect after high-pressure moments: when things don’t go smoothly, ask which traits you overused and which you underused.

·       Pre-plan for big interactions: if you know you’re going into a tense meeting, decide in advance which traits to emphasise (e.g. diplomacy, open questions) and which to hold back (e.g. bluntness, impatience).

·       Ask trusted peers for feedback: sometimes we can’t see our own shadow side. Lumina Spark feedback sessions or coaching can help.

·       Cultivate emotional intelligence: self-regulation, empathy, adaptability — these are the tools that make self-monitoring work in service of our best selves.

Why This Matters for Organisations and Teams

·       Better trust and reputation: when people consistently show up thoughtfully, others can rely on them.

·       Higher psychological safety: when teams see that authentic selves are welcome, but also that behaviour is modulated with empathy, trust rises.

·       Improved productivity and collaboration: less friction when people understand one another’s patterns, and manage overextensions.

·       Leadership maturity: leaders who understand their best selves (not just “what I naturally do”) are more effective, fairer, and more resilient.

In Summary

Self-monitoring theory reminds us the real question isn’t whether to adapt, but how much and when. Both extremes—rigid authenticity or constant shape-shifting—create problems.

The goal for work, especially in modern organisations, isn’t being just ourselves, but being our best selves. From a TA perspective, this is what it means to stay in Adult-to-Adult relating: not simply acting out old Parent or Child scripts, but choosing with awareness the version of ourselves that serves us, and others, best.

Lumina Spark is a powerful ally here: it gives us insight into our identity, our overextensions, and our flexibility. It helps us monitor wisely, choose what to bring forward, and dial back what doesn’t serve, so we don’t just survive work: we thrive at it.

References

1.     Berne, E. (1961). Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy. New York: Grove Press.

2.     Chamorro-Premuzic, T. (2025). Don’t Be Yourself: Why Authenticity Is Overrated (and What to Do Instead). Harvard Business Review Press.

3.     Stewart, I., & Joines, V. (2012). TA Today: A New Introduction to Transactional Analysis (2nd ed.). Lifespace Publishing.

4.     Snyder, M. (1974). Self-monitoring of expressive behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 30(4), 526–537. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0037039

5.     Snyder, M. (1987). Public Appearances, Private Realities: The Psychology of Self-Monitoring. New York: W.H. Freeman.